Log in

No account? Create an account
Erica's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[18 Sep 2007|03:13pm]
I have a new livejournal, onlimpidform.

add me back, pleeeeeease.
post comment

Reality sinking below us. [17 Sep 2007|12:30pm]

[16 Sep 2007|01:36pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

The road is long and your legs are tired of effort, but the walk will never show you the same events twice.

post comment

Come back to me. [13 Sep 2007|06:19pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

Lifes cycles always teach lessons, but there are times when I want to hit the pause button - and sometimes rewind. Let me get stuck in those months where I took everything for granted, I promise I wont do it again.
Pushing on, learning and letting go of everything I ever thought was a truth.

Treading in the void, I'm getting fucking tired.

1 comment|post comment

TURNING 18!!!!!! [07 Sep 2007|07:44pm]

2 comments|post comment

I'M TURNING 18!!!!!! [07 Sep 2007|09:20am]
So, I'm having a Costume party. Saturday night, around 10 or 11. Everyone is invited - bring food, beer, anything you want. It's at Jake and Brit's house - if you need directions message or call me...4077335260.
7 comments|post comment

Integral Consciousness. [05 Sep 2007|05:15pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

1 comment|post comment

[23 Aug 2007|08:20am]
[ mood | aggravated ]

I'm trying so hard not to rip my hair right out of my head.

post comment

Fuck this city. [09 Aug 2007|06:22pm]
[ mood | calm ]

I see all these pictures of far away places, and how they depict cities with interesting streets and make me feel like just walking them would be so much more interesting than doing anything here in Orlando. I wonder why though, and I can't seem to answer the question.

Other than "fuck the bullshit," I have nothing else worth saying.

8 comments|post comment

Aspartame [05 Aug 2007|12:33pm]
[ mood | repulsed ]

Aspartame is the most controversial food additive in history. The most recent evidence, linking it to leukaemia and lymphoma, has added substantial fuel to the ongoing protests of doctors, scientists and consumer groups who allege that this artificial sweetener should never have been released onto the market and that allowing it to remain in the food chain is killing us by degrees. Pat Thomas reports Once upon a time, aspartame was listed by the Pentagon as a biochemical warfare agent. Today it's an integral part of the modern diet. Sold commercially under names like NutraSweet and Canderel, aspartame can be found in more than 5,000 foods, including fizzy drinks, chewing gum, table-top sweeteners, diet and diabetic foods, breakfast cereals, jams, sweets, vitamins, prescription and over-the-counter drugs. This means that there is a good chance that you and your family are among the two thirds of the adult population and 40 per cent of children who regularly ingest this artificial sweetener.. (read more) More information

3 comments|post comment

Times of Grace [02 Aug 2007|07:20pm]
[ mood | angry ]

The secrets of stars hide within the grey
this grey will fade, so will the stars cease to shine.

post comment

My loveeeely tattoo.. [24 Jul 2007|01:57am]
[ mood | tired. ]

After two hours of excruciating pain, 5 cloves and two glasses of wine......

7 comments|post comment

I never met a wild thing sorry for itself. [23 Jul 2007|12:20pm]
[ mood | flirty ]

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.

I'm not waiting anymore. I'm not worrying anymore. I'm going to keep it a goal to keep myself happy, by any means.

post comment

Holla [21 Jul 2007|08:50pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I had intense dejavu today, it kept on going for so long. That was the highlight of my day, other than seeing Megan and eating good food.

I think that I have begun having an obsession cooking food. I made vegan alfredo today that wasn't bad but needs to be improved. I want to start baking and cooking more.

Tomorrow is the day that I get my fourth, and so far, most painful and meaningful tattoo. I am getting a Phoenix on my ribcage. The phoenix was drawn for me personally, and is extremly symbolic and synchronous to my life right now. The phoenix rises from ashes, and to me portrays rebirth and connection. Here is a picture:

Corey said it was going to take nearly 2 hours for just the outline. I'm getting hooked up, a tattoo as big as a peice of paper for 80 bucks now and 80 bucks when I decide to get it colored in. I'm so excited, this is going to be a crazy experience.

I miss mah girls. Caysie, Sam, Britney, Liz...Whurr u @?

11 comments|post comment

Load universe into cannon. Aim at brain. Fire. [12 Jul 2007|06:56pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

Just as I make note to improve my self discipline, life floods me with new obstacles and pointless drama - instead of getting caught up in the mess of shit that is trying to pull me under, I'm going to laugh it off. Nice try, but I've endured mental and spiritual rebirth - and quite honestly, nothing is going to get me down. I forget a lot of the time, that no matter what happens - how many tears I shed, how many times I feel empty hearted, how many times I feel unimportant, childish, ignorant and annoying.. everything will work out. There is no such thing as mistake, and I can't help but notice the beauty in imperfection. All is purposeful, and as doors are slammed.. windows are open, walls are broken and the fucking floorboards are ripped up. As many times as I have gone taken a step and been moved back two, I really refuse to give into being upset.

Being a part of the sweat lodge was the most changing experiences of my life. I went into the lodge, expecting it to be crazy and whatever, but I could have never expected to gain (and leave) what I did. Doing the sweat naked was really beautiful, and a very important aspect of the cleanse. Before the 4 sessions, the group bonded and cleaned the ground - since she had been neglected because of the fireban. We all pulled weeds together, laid blankets and became close with the land we were going to be on for the next four hours. I don't think that I could have had a better group of people to sweat with. They were all radiant individuals, full of life and personality. Their names were Chuck, Marisaa, Dave, Boe, John, Hanook, Choky, Britney, Samantha and Liz. All represented a part of my personality, and all the words that were flowing out while in the sweat lodge somehow applied to what I've always wanted to say, but never could get out. It would be impossible to explain the full details of living and being each moment that past, being everything at once and at the same time loosing the pain locked inside yourself. I'm so happy that we were all strong enough to endure the four rounds of becoming a butterfly, and I can't wait to do this again. There were so many times were I thought that I was for sure going to drop dead in the lodge, so many times I could not breath because the air was too hot and so many times that I could only tell the difference between my eyes being opened and closed because of the sweat that would roll into them when open. The ceremony was sacred, and I am also so thankful for being a part of it- I got to put rosemary on the stones. My stone was used during the 4th and final session, which was really cool to me. I definetly reccomend that everyone do this, and I mean everyone.

Ever since I've come back from the Hostel, I can catch myself falling back into the monotony of city life. Although I have gotten sad since being back, all is well. I can't let it get the best of me, and I am so excited to just live day to day. Another very important factor I forget, is that I control everything that happens to me. I control my happiness, sadness and everything in between. Even if someone I love were to slap me in the face and say they never wanted to see me again, I would love them still and react the best way I knew how. Reflecting on how I have handled certain situations embarasses me, because I think I give life way too much meaning. Meaning as in, I give fuel for a fire that isn't really there. The human condition - I give into sadness, depression, and all that shit because I think it's real. I don't understand why I do this. I think that it's an important building block that I realize all of the things I need to change in order to remain at my happiest.

Self improvement is something I definetly need to work on, because it's a never ending process. There is always more to learn. One thing I definetly have to learn is that I really know nothing.

I am me - beautiful butterfly. I am a blue-eyed, brown haired, vegan, warrior princess. I am a fairy, and I'm also everything and everyone around me.

Lifes divinity is absolutely astonishing.

3 comments|post comment

Little konky-bears. [06 Jul 2007|10:49am]
[ mood | grateful ]

My kitties are adventuring out, they are getting pretty far. They are becoming more playful and loud, but it is cute because they can't walk more than a handful of steps before they loose balance and roll over on their backs.

2 comments|post comment

[06 Jul 2007|03:24am]
[ mood | aggravated ]

post comment

Destress. [28 Jun 2007|04:33pm]
[ mood | blank ]

I'm so ready to get out of here. The past week has been full of crazy mixed emotions, nights spent too high and not enough sleep. Although I do feeling amazing because I have been eating lightly, I need a change of scenery. I need to feel something else. I know I'm to blame for letting my life become predictable, and that I haven't done everything in my power to improve my outlook. I think that this weekend will be extremly relaxing and enjoyable. I wish more people could come, but nothing is wrong with spending some quality time with close friends.

2 comments|post comment

If you ever thought you were fucking stupid... [26 Jun 2007|01:12pm]
3 comments|post comment

4real. [25 Jun 2007|04:46am]
[ mood | Furious/sad/ready2punchhueheff ]

In the past two weeks, a very big problem has been shoved in my face a couple of times. For some reason, I can't just brush this off. It lingers, and manifests every thought. I constantly think about how much it bugs, angers and saddens me all at the same time. After a a long time of thinking about it, I can't keep my distaste unspoken. I can't stress enough, that this is my personal opinion - and by no means am I putting my ideals over other peoples, but yet trying to make a statement. I've been trying to understand every stance of this problem, but I cannot seem to ration other perspectives.

The problem is porn, and the understated patriarchal and even capitalist presence. Constructed by men, are images of women. These images are not the physical act of sex, but merely mediums that use sex to become marketable. A womans body is used to equate to sex. A womans body is contorted, air brushed, photoshopped and sold. The harsh standards of beauty plague commercials, magazine covers and billboards - and we're all influenced by this.
The reason it makes me so angry is that a lot of people do not see the problem with this.
It almost stuns me that people cannot understand how porn correalates to, and perpetuates oppression. Not oppression of the woman who is being portrayed, but the womens lives everywhere that constantly are reminded that they "cannot be sexy," or they are not feminine unless they fit the molds.
I think that it is incredibly naive for one to argue that porn does not objectify women/men. Some also try to argue that rape and sexual harassment has decreased since porn became popular - and its quite obvious they do not understand womens struggle for equality. I definetly think that porn, as well as mainstream media really defines expectations of women for men.
In my experiences with defending my feelings on why I think women are oppressed, and objectified - I got a rather interesting comment made towards me and that it was that as a feminist I am supposed to put women equal to men, and that I forget that men are also effected by this too. It is very true that men are forced to fit molds, but I really do feel that this issue is faced more towards women. Call me an asshole, femnazi or whatever..
I sit, ultimately disgusted that many people, even amongst me, can either defend this shit or not really care, and act as if its no big deal. So many women around me, including myself have been harassed, taken advantage of, mollested, and raped and until this is not a fucking uncommon thing I will always think that equality does not exist. I am not blaming porn on abuse of women, but blaming the whole field of anatomy/sexuality exploitation, whether it be a clothing ad or soft-core porn. It is all intertwined.

Why do people think that this shit is ok?

14 comments|post comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]